Back Scene 1 PATRIK enters to the front of stage dressed in tailcoat. There's a spotlight on him. Otherwise the stage is dark (or curtain is down). He's holding an envelope in his hand. He faces the audience and looks around very calmly. PATRIK: (Slowly, seriously) My name is Patrik Lindberg and I live in Helsinki, Finland. I'm dressed like this because I'm on my way to a party. My old childhood friend, Johan Enqvist, has moved back to Helsinki after five years in God damned frozen tundra land near the Arctic Circle... I'm a PhD researcher at the Helsinki University... I'm just coming from doctor Lasanen. She's a neuro surgeon and an old friend. She told me that my wife is going to die..... I have the diagnoses here.... My wife... is going to die.... Her name is Lea and she's thirty four years old. She's a professional dancer. She's rehearsing Big Bad Wolf and the Piggies. She's the first Piggie to go... There's a intracranial aneurysm in her brain, it's getting worse now, after five years of medication and cannot be operated.... We've been married for twelve years. We have a son, Dicky. He's ten... I wrote my doctoral theses on enzymes that cause tissue destruction... But I can't help my wife.... I know every damned neuro surgeon in Europe, and yet, I cannot help her... The problem... The problem is... I don't know how to tell her... (PATRIK exits to left. From right LEA enters to the front of stage.) LEA: (Enter front of stage) Hi, I am Lea, Patrik's wife. We met on the saw dust mountains when I was thirteen. I fell in love with his best friend Johan, but because Johan dated the frekle face, Tina Tittonen, I decided to marry Patrik and make him a powerful man. (Blows up a long and thin balloon) My dad was doing research at the University of Helsinki, at the dentistry department, like Patrik is now, so I think I've succeeded quite well. The only thing is, I'm very sick, that is to say, I have this intracranial aneyrysm in my brain (Twists the balloon into a knob to demonstarte the aneyrysm). It has been steady for years now and Patrik is studying to develop a gel, a kind of jelly, that will be pushed inside the vein and into the aneyrysm so that it would fill the whole knot and... (PATRIK re-enters) PATRIK: What are you doing? (looks at the audience apologingly) LEA: Oh, hi. PATRIUK: You're supposed to be in the party. LEA: I just wanted to explain a little. (explodes the balloon) PATRIK: If there's something to be explained I'll do it, ok. LEA: So, you mean, this is your territory? PATRIK: That's right. I'm sorry (to the audience) Go now and don't do this anymore. LEA: Ok, Ok, I got it, sorry.... (Exits. PATRIK exits after her) Scene 2 (Lights up. Music starts and LEA and PATRIK step in the middle of the party. JOHAN takes LEA to his arms and they dance very professionally old fashioned rock'an roll. KRISTINA dances alone. PATRIK goes to EVA and they dance a bit aside, drinking and laughing. Finally the music stops.) JOHAN: That was something, eh? Drinks anyone? LEA: Thanks, you're an angel, Johan. (JOHAN exits) KRISTINA: (To LEA) Honestly, I don't like rock 'n roll. It's so old. LEA: We played "Get on baby" in the garage fifteen years ago. We had a band called "The Groovies". I was on drums. . KRISTINA: Oh, yes. Johan showed me some pictures of Patrik and you in the garage. He was cute with his curly hair and puppy-dog eyes. LEA: He has changed over the years. KRISTINA: It's called growing old, dear. LEA: I guess I'm just being silly. KRISTINA: Well, holokynkolkyn (Cheers) LEA: I'm sorry? KRISTINA: That's what we say in Lappland: Holokynkolkyn! LEA: Holokyn... KRISTINA: ...Kolokyn. LEA: Holokynkolokyn. KRISTINA: That's right (Both drink) JOHAN: (enters with drinks) Lea. Kris. LEA: Thanks. Holokynkolokyn. JOHAN: What? LEA: Isn't that what they say up north? JOHAN: Yes. But here we say kippis! KRISTINA: Holokynkolokyn! JOHAN: So, where's Patrik? LEA: Smoozing I suppose. JOHAN: What? LEA: As that foulmouthed professor, Eva Damalski, is finally retiring and Pat wants her office at the university he is licking her... I mean allegoricly speaking... KRISTINA: I heard Eva Damalski was ousted because she's been using Unisversity funds for her private research... LEA: I don't believe that. KRISTINA: That's what I heard. LEA: It's all politics. Thank God Patrik is finally a nominee. He's the best God damned candidate for the professorship of neurological patology... KRISTINA: I'm happy he has the chance... LEA: No, I'm happy. Everybody else seems to hate him. KRISTINA: I only hate him if he gets the job. JOHAN: Surely Pat is the best qualified nominee. LEA: (lovingly) He's irritating, adolescent and selfish. Distinctly shrewd and plainly machiavellian. But what can you expect from a craneman's son. He makes a perfect scholar. JOHAN: But you have at least taught him some manners and to change socks once a week. LEA: He's not still totally house broken. KRISTINA: How do you know that? JOHAN: What? KRISTINA: About his socks? JOHAN: Now you've been silly darling. LEA: Pat really is quite helpless without a woman's touch. KRISTINA: Upstart suckers like Patrick Lindberg belong behind bars. JOHAN: For God's sake! KRISTINA: The department is full of dirty playing, incompetent scholars like him. They call the academic research Thai-boxing except here in Helsinki University you can kick the referees as well. KRISTINA: There are no rules when you're making a career. JOHAN: It sure is like that in computer business. LEA: You just have to fight fiercely for your career. KRISTINA: It's licking superiors butts. It's giving credit to those who don't deserve it. It's putting a knife in your best friends back... It wasn't at all like that up north in the Arctic Research Center. LEA: Of course not, dear. It's so sylvan up there. JOHAN: More like alcoholic, drop out scholars freezing slowly to death in the eternal darkness of the Northern Lights. (PATRIK and EVA DAMALSKI are talking aside of the main group) EVA: Yes, yes, I know what you mean... To tell you the truth, Pat, I haven't enjoyed sex for years. PATRIK: You've had lousy lovers. EVA: I mean, I haven't enjoyed it. I've fucked the whole University, and I mean the God damned ice hockey team, too, but it doesn't give me satisfaction anymore... PATRIK: Are you telling me you don't do it any more. EVA. On the contrary, I've never been more nymphomaniac than I'm now. LEA: (Enters the front of stage) She's awfull, isn't she. She's been in the University for twentyeight years and we all, sort of, like her. She's internationally famous for her foul mouth. Good for the image of our country. Patrik has to lick her booths, if he wants the professorship. Patrik hates smooching, but I encourage him. It's worth it, I'm sure... (PATRIK gets closer to LEA and hushes her away and then gets back to EVA) PATRIK: I don't understand. EVA: It's the feeling of power, or actually, the lack of it. PATRIK: I'm sorry, you lost me? EVA: Power... Total control. PATRIK: You're crazy. Sex is sex. EVA: You hated making love to me, but you did it because you had to, in order to get the professorship. PATRIK: Eva, please. EVA: I don't mind, because I thought it wasn' too great either. PATRIK: Thanks a million. EVA: What is it exactly you enjoy about it, eh? The passion in it? The perfectly timed double orgasms? Your own cababilities? PATRIK: You tell me! Why do I love a good fuck. EVA: And how do you define a good fuck? PATRIK: Aren't you being a bit too academic here... EVA: I'm an academic researcher, my boy, a professor of total control. PATRIK: You're so wrong. EVA: I don't enjoy sex anymore, because I don't enjoy the feel of power anymore. I've all the power in the world, well,within the dental department at least, but I don't enjoy it anymore. PATRIK: You're a distingueshed scholar and internationally aclaimed prize winning reseacher, you've developed a patented medicine and you're invited to scientific seminars all over the world... EVA: Yes, and I'm still bored. PATRIK: Let's go somewhere. EVA: You're talking about going somewhere to get pissed or to get laid? PATRIK: I just want to get away. EVA: What about your little wife? PATRIK: Let's go. (PAT and EVA exit. We go back to the main group) LEA: ... My father was so naive. He worked like hell at the department for thirty three years and never made it. Finally they didn't have any alternative but to grant him the professorship. Unfortunately he died a week before the grand inaguration day. KRISTINA: It's a sexist club too. JOHAN: Wow! Hey!? LEA: You mean the University? KRISTINA: The whole academic world. LEA: How's your research advancing, then? KRISTINA: It hasn't been easy for a northern girl to mix in with the big University's circles. Besides, I'm only noted for my legs. LEA: What is it exactly about? KRISTINA: It's about aneyrysms and I use the collagenosis from the periodontal pockets of young rheumatism patients to study the inhibitors of the desease. LEA: Thank you very much, Kris. JOHAN: I don't understand a thing about it either. KRISTINA: So, how's your dancing? Your group is putting up a show in the old Alexander Theatre next week. LEA: Yes, that's right. It's the fable about the Big bad wolf and the piggies. KRISTINA: I admire you already. LEA: You do? KRISTINA: I don't see how you can dance at your age. LEA: Why, but I'm only thirty... JOHAN: Kris, now you're being impertinent. KRISTINA: I'm sorry. It's just that I'm angry with your husband. LEA: Mad at Patrik? KRISTINA: It all started a year ago when Phillip Plumb, from the department of anatomy, collected all cystas from the dental clinic for free. JOHAN: I don't think Lea is interested in all that. KRISTINA: Stenberg never really cared about the matter but he wanted to have his name on every damned reseach article... JOHAN: Please. KRISTINA: ... And as Patrik's group has to comply with that horrible professor Eva Damalski, all samples, what ever she chooses to collect, that is, go to Patrik'c little research group. Simple, eh? JOHAN: ... Er, drinks anyone? KRISTINA: I'll get one myself, thanks.(Exits) LEA: Where is Patrik? JOHAN: I think he left. LEA: Oh no, not again. JOHAN: ... Thanks for organizing this party. Kristina is so thrilled meeting all these academic people... LEA: I thought as you haven't called or anything that this is the only way to get to meet you... JOHAN: I've been busy, a new job and the band rehearsals... LEA: She's just the right woman for you. JOHAN: I gather that was a compliment? LEA: Depends... JOHAN: You're a bit sarcastic tonight. LEA: You noticed. JOHAN And Patrik seemed unhappy. LEA: He's been sulking for weeks. JOHAN: Marital crises again? LEA: Please, Joe. JOHAN: Is it because you're trying to make a scholar out of a poet. LEA: He has a family and he's supposed to take responsibility of it. JOHAN: I'm happy to see you. LEA: Are you? JOHAN: I'm very happy to see you. LEA: Why did you leave then? JOHAN: Look, Pat is my best friend. We've known each other always, we ate dog shit cakes together in the sawdust mountains... LEA: Hah! Why didn't you stay in the Arctic and froze to death!? JOHAN: Kris wanted to make a career. LEA: Why in Helsinki? There are dozens of excellent Universities in Europe... JOHAN: Please... I'm married and I'm happy. LEA: I hate you! JOHAN: We could just talk all night as we used to... LEA: Did you have to marry that, that cheerleader? JOHAN: What? LEA: She's a bitch. JOHAN: Lea, please. LEA: A bitch! (Exit LEA. Fade out)