ACT ONE Scene 1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ELENA: Sharply put. Two wasted lives. JAN: Bass or trout? EVA: The same Johan Kamalski? JAN: It's him all right, mashed or boiled? ELENA: Well done, boy. Now she is trying to remember what ever happened thirty years ago. They called him the Smoocher in school, you remember ? That's what they told me, he was a tail man all right, didn't even have driver's license yet. And then he picked up my little girl and sticked to her like a leech. Most disturbing was that they were so much in love, so much, good Lord. The Smoocher and my little girl. MARY-ANN: I'm waiting for a call from my publisher. EVA: They ll only call if they're gonna publish it. Otherwise you ll get your manuscript back in the mail. ELENA: And had I had the Smack-Johan as a son-in-law! Help me God, sorry, and now he's coming here. JAN: To drink? EVA: Beer, please. MARY-ANN: (hastily) The water is excellent!!! EVA: Water is good, with boiled, eh, what was it, trout? JAN: I'm sorry, we just run out of trout. How about pike? And rasberry sorbe? EVA: That sounds good. Is your mother coming to lunch? JAN: She is enjoying h'ors d'ouvres in her rooms. (makes drinking gesture) ELENA: Don't slander you mother, boy. She's got a weak heart, like me. She needs a small brandy every now and then. That's what I did before they came up with the big C. MARY-ANN: You're Eva Tegelberg? EVA: Maybe your father has talked about me? MARY-ANN: Yes, always when drunk, always when young, always about your tight...collars. EVA: Your mother was a very beautiful woman. MARY-ANN: Papa drove her crazy and then shut her in the madhouse, where she hanged herself. EVA: Eh, Madame and your father dated in high school. MARY-ANN: Yes. EVA: He charmed everybody. MARY-ANN: You too. EVA: And hundreds of others. MARY-ANN: Though he sweared eternal love to Madame for five years? ELENA: Less than four and a half, as a matter of fact it was four years and five months and ten days, it was Tuesday afternoon, the eighth of July, he had just returned from Paris, France, bumming around supposedly. MARY-ANN: You went to Rome, Italy, with the student class. EVA: Anita's mother travelled along to keep a watch on The Smoocher and her little virgin daughter. ELENA: There were six mothers and two fathers and three teachers! MARY-ANN: You rented a small Fiat and drove around city every day and got lost, God knows where. EVA: It was wonderful, once I remember we found a gorgeous little restaurant... MARY-ANN: Cafe Odillion? EVA: No, it was, let me think... MARY-ANN: Da Baffo, by the river Tevere? EVA: That's right. The owner had huge black moustache and he sang a serenade for me and played accordian. Your father and Anita were in another world, sighing and holding hands. ELENA: Disgusting. That night I couldn't manage to go along, they were always running off, spare the rod I say... MARY-ANN: And the owner treated everybody to Lacrima Christi. EVA: That's right. Johan ate like a horse, Anita drank vino rosso and munched only black olives. So Johan has told you everything? JAN: (Brings the plate to EVA) I want to go to Rome, Italy with you, but you live in Lake-Carelia and I live in Helsinki. Lets just put the helmet on (puts it on) and search the same virtual-channel and have a rendevous in Rome, right there by the Spanish Steps. I'm standing in this god-forsaken joint, sorry papa, and yet I can be at the same time with you in Rome, Italy. (Takes MARY-ANN by her hands) You travel to the same virtual reality with me from Lake-Carelia, three hundred miles away, and we meet in sunshine, by the Steps. You're wearing a yellow flowered loose dress and I ve got jeans and a T-shirt and I'm well tanned.(Walks around with MARY-ANN) There are thousands of tourists around us. Japanese and Spanish and Australian, and the souvinier dealers, no grazia, per favor . I put my Ray Bans on and wave at you. You sit by the fountain and splash your toes in the water. We finally embrace and kiss passionately, we are happy, hypnotized by the spring of Rome, or autumn, whatever you want, my sweet girl. We just float up the Spanish Steps and the tourists stare at us amazed. An Italian souvinier dealer, by his rickety desk, an old man with bent back and black barret on his bold head whispers: Amore, amore . Everybody laughs and starts to clap their hands together. We'll fly to the banks of Tevere-river and land by a man who is fishing with a rod. We sit on the pavement in the shadow of an old bridge, the ducks swim pass, a trout plops up the river, a dove or two coo over yesterdays draft, somewhere, far away you can hear the din of cars buzzing and honking. But we are together, just you and me, under the everlasting blue skies of Rome and we kiss again, lie down on the pavement and let our hands move around our bodies. I can feel your pear-shaped breasts in my fingers, you gasp in my ear and your nails scratch my well tanned back, then you turn on your back and pull me violently on top of you and I feel the passion burning in my veins... --------------------------------------- For more, ask the playwright.....