Circus vans arrive

Circus vans arrive showering cat's gold, blinding.
The vans I'm waiting for will never arrive!
I'm alone in the forest of clouds, of ambushers.
I cannot play with hearts! Not today, nor tomorrow!
I need immaterial light to blow me into dance,
I need it, I'm thirsting!
What am I doing in moribund brown!
I don't want to eat the fruit of evil from these trees!
Unselfish storm, fell the trees if, in the land of chameleons,
even one of them won't change its colour, into a lasting
serenity of wisdom, if the shadows of suffering cast
     by the knives of wrath
won't run away, won't run away by now! If nights won't fall!
If the heart-crushing circus won't end!

Do I have to eat the fruit of evil in order to live?
Isn't there anything else, won't there ever be anything else?

No, I have to eat it
in order to die.

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